let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
