1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.