Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
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Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
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It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.