I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
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He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
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Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.