...so i touched it.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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