3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
