Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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