Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
