So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
