i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
