Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
