Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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