I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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