Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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