i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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