I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
