Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
