1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
