You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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