Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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