Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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