5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
