You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
