I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
