you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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