Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
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Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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