paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
