We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
