You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
