you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
