I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
