Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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