I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage