I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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