just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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