I met the friendliest cop last night
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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