I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
