i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
