So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
