im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
That's how pantless uber rides happen
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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