the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
