well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
