Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
