Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
