The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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