God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
