Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
