My first STD was from a foam party
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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