My friends, they love my intelligence
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
