i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
