Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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