i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
