right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
