standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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