If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
