I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
