May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
