We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
