omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
