YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
