I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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