Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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