She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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