Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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