he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
