its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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