Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
