Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
