I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I see more hoeing in ur future
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
