Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
