we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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