i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
What a dumb baby whore.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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