I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
