i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
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haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
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Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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