Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
